Thursday, May 7, 2009 ♥
Last footprint@11:06 PM
lol recently chriselle's been telling me sick funny stuff from fmylife.com. haha so I decided to go read it. hahahaha super funny!
Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of MAYO on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FMLToday, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply said, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FMLToday, I looked down to see a tiny spider crawling on the inside of my leg, very close to my crotch. When I tried to brush it off, it only flew a couple inches because it was making a web between my legs. Even a spider knew that it's been awhile. FMLToday, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FMLToday I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FMLToday, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FMLToday, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FMLToday, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FMLToday, I told my mom I am bulimic and have been for a few years and that I need help. She responded by saying "Well that's clearly not working for you. Why don't you try anorexia. She then patted me on my head, smiled, and walked away. FMLToday, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house. When we got there, he checked his mail box first and noticed that his Wii game arrived. He sent me home so he can play. FMLhaha okay this one is errr... PG13 or something. haha it's quite gross:
Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FMLToday, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FMLToday, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML
hahaha okay very gross but super funny.
♥ Love, tiffany
